Wholefoods

always makes me think about you guapa.

big christmas love going out to Adam and your Family xxx

Chica, we don't write so often but think of you more than ever. The boy grows and has such an appetite for life that I can't help but wonder if bits of his angel godmother didn't sneak in there. We travel, pasear, play and enjoy all the good things, small and big. We think of you always close so that you never feel too far away. I miss you and daydream of adventures.

Besos y amor my dear dear friend xxxx

Hi Angel.

We Miss You

We Love You

We're Growing Up Fast!

Sonny loves food nearly as much as you did :-)

Thinking of You xxxxx

The New York Skyline

Loca
Thinking about you lots. Little Sonny keeping me busy but every night and morning he stares and stares at the painting of the New York Skyline you gave me which hangs above my bed. He loves it. That and an aboriginal painting at Edrei's house....... quite the artist eye my little man has ;-).
It always makes me smile to see him looking at it and I assure him we will visit 'your' fair city someday soon.
Big Besos to you above from us here below.
Kir xxxxxx

Another butterfly visit.

I was walking past a park in the Bronx on Tuesday, when a butterfly came — from out of nowhere — and landed on my heart. It sat for a moment, then flew in a circle and landed on my hand. Finally, it flew to my heart once more. My words can't tell the story like this picture can.

Charles Bukowski — 'The Laughing Heart'

Changing trains Brussels last week—traveling from London to Rotterdam—I saw a photo booth where Mia and I took one of my very favorite pictures of us while we on holiday a few years ago. The memory of being in that station and squeezing into that booth with Mia made me smile so big and wide. On my trip back to London—via Brussels again—I was assigned seat 88 in coach 16. 8 was a magic number for Mia, and 88 was always double magic. (For example: She had a pair of sporty shorts customized with the number 88 on them.) I know it's just a seat on a train, but it felt like a wave "Hello!" from Mia. Hello, Mia. Hello, my love. Hello.

A friend shared this Bukowski poem with me. It's plain and coarse, yet as delicious as anything by Rumi. You can watch Tom Waits read it here.

=-=-=-=-=

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

Sonny

Mia - Mira!! I have a son!! Can you believe it? He's so beautiful and I'm head over heels in love. I think about you lots and know you are smiling down on us both, I so wish I could talk to you about him, he's such a dude! Miss you ever so much guapa.

Kir & Sonny xx

Celebration

Here's some pics from the Maddhouse celebration in Mia's honor.

Debbie prepared a smorgasbord of Danish Delights in memory of our favorite Dane.

Looks Delicious!

"And I’m still carrying the gift you gave
It’s a part of me now, it’s been cherished and saved
It’ll be with me unto the grave
And then unto eternity"
—Bob Dylan 'In the Summertime'

learning to smile

Miss you chica. Inspiration that you were and for all that you continue to be. You will always be so alive.

besos y amor, to heaven and back

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Than Almitra spoke, saying, "We would ask now of Death."

You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.

If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;

And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.

Is the sheered not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?

Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

The Prophet by Kahil Gibran

Tagging.

In San Francisco last night, on my way to see friends play a show at Cafe Du Nord, I happened to notice this streetcar stop. Some troublemaker had written MIA in very large letters with strips of tape. It had me smiling all night. Thank you, troublemaker.

Marvelous Mia

Always loved and never forgotten guapa!

xxxxxxx

"All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,

I have only slipped into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name,

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used

Put no difference in your tone,

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,

Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well."

Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918 Canon of St Paul ’s Cathedral

Butterfly visit.

Out for a run in NYC Thursday morning, I passed a tarp hung around a site where a park is being developed. I didn't have my glasses on, so when I saw this funny man with a pink scarf and a fencing sabre, I thought the butterfly was part of the illustration. When I got closer, I could see that the butterfly was very much alive. I stopped running and hung out with the butterfly awhile. Then she fluttered away, riding the breeze, and I did too.

Realiza tu sueño.

Thinking about you nonstop. Thinking about you, and feeling your smile and your embrace everywhere I go. Crying for losing you, and in the same breath laughing at all the things we would laugh about together. Sending you all the love I have.

a serious looking Finn, born April13th 2010

one of Mia's trees, April 11th 2010



He’s here Mi! I did it – I gave birth and in Spanglish, you would have been so proud of me but you were of course watching. Your picture stayed close by and fed me strength. At one point I remembered you grinning away at me through the discomfort of another hot box treatment at the clinic, “It’s doing good things, Tiff”, you’d say – red face covered in a huge smile as I mopped your brow, wishing I could do more. And look at the good thing we have now, Mi. The most wonderful, precious little boy. He makes us supremely happy and just as a world without you isn’t right I now can’t imagine a life without him in it. We feel so lucky chica and I can’t wait till he is old enough so I can tell him all about his angel godmother.

The week he was born one of your trees was in full blossom. We have all been marvelling at how such a small tree could have quite so many flowers but should we really expect any less with your ashes feeding its roots?

Thank you mi amor, for being… well, so damn cool. Keep watching and keeping us safe. We are about to head off on our first road trip with the boy. We are starting him on adventures early. I think you would approve. Stay close by. Te quiero xxxx

Heck of a trick you played this morning, Love! I rolled out of bed and decided to brush my teeth first thing—before drinking morning coffee or anything else. I squeezed a bead of toothpaste onto my toothbrush, ran some water over it, then put it in my mouth to start brushing. Zap! There it was, clear as anything I've ever tasted—the fresh anise flavor of the Homeodent paste you always used. How?! This is a relatively new toothbrush and has only ever had the same minty paste I use. It was unmistakeable, though—the taste of your toothpaste, the taste of your freshly-brushed mouth, the taste of your fresh kiss. Then I blinked, it was gone, and I could only taste my usual mint. It was a very quick trick, but it was beautiful. Thank you! You had me smiling all day.

I found this picture from October 2008, when my mom came to visit us in New York. You're crystal clear and I'm all fuzzy. Just like in real life!

All my love,
~Adam

Guapa

Been thinking about you lots and was looking through our emails from this time last year - needless to say, though you are still positive, the subject matter is not so great - you were so so brave to write to us about it all and be so present and clear - I'm so glad you did so we could be connected to your reality. After feeling all melancholy about missing you I decided to look back and see where we were all at the year before, April 2008's emails revealed that Eva had just left you in New York where you had both had a ball together, this is where that great Mia quote "We walk arm in arm and of course are a sight for sore eyes .. In the LES they say "mmm charlie's angels" but then in midtown, a bit disturbingly they called us "..lesbian bitches" .... !!!!" came from.

Eva was soon heading over here to Oz for her big move, Davida had just chased a junkie thief down the road and got her stolen bag back like some empowered superhero, Ele was nose deep in her studies and you were galavanting around Brussels and Paris watching Adam's shows with Amber where you bumped into Al and Saskia.

Me, I'd just got some bad results from the doctor which leads us in a big circle all the way to today where I'm sat with my huge belly bulging in front of me - only 2 more months to go till I meet this little kicker. I so so so so wish you were here to share it loca - I think I may even have convinced you to visit Sydney for this. I know you'll be looking down, laughing at me, not with me - at me! But in a nice way ;-) We'll have to get Davida on the video duties, she's pretty good but you'll always be the best director, editor and documentary maker.

Bueno - been good reminiscing with you xxxxx :-)

Love you Loca

Kir

Circles ...

San Diego, March 2009

This week a year ago we sat in San Diego with your feet up piled on cushions trying to get rid of that horrible swelling. A year later I sit in Caracas my feet up trying to get the blood circulating. It’s funny how things go round, eh chica?!

You were sick but there was still so much fun and peace. Days of border crossings, quorn, Gavin and Stacey, hanging at the IV hotel, our daily Venezuelan choccie treat, playing the game that it was totally normal to puke beetroot juice all over Wholefoods car park… hurray for Jayne’s burger!! And hurray to our final adventure … in this world at least. Do you remember counting all the countries you had been to - was it 34 in total? More places than years on the planet. You really are pretty damn cool! This week I eat our beetroot salad creation and baked beans on toast with abandon in your honor. I hope you don’t mind but I am leaving out the quorn.. !

I will always be in awe of you Mi but at that time even more so. You looked beautiful and there were still so many smiles. You promised me so many good things would be coming. You said with a big grin you would take care of it all. And here I am a year later full to the brim with a baby boy who is just about ready to come out and give the world a go himself… I knew you were good Mi but that good!! He is due to join us next weekend almost a year to the day that we hugged goodbyes in San Diego train station. I like the timing. A full circle of hellos and goodbyes… such sadness and such happiness, all going round and round.

So here is to my next adventure mi amor. I wish more than ever you could be here for more. I still can’t bear to think of the world without you in it so I don’t and I see you everywhere. Thank you for bringing such beauty into my life, stay close and keep spreading the joy for us all. Te quiero. XXXXXXXXX

Thinkin' in the Rain.

I'm missing you a whole lot on this rainy, stay-indoors-in-our-pajamas sort of day. The skyline is a foggy blur. I can't even make out whether Lady Empire has lit up for the night yet or not. Harrumph. I wish you were here. We could lie in bed, look out the window, and take our best guesses at what colors she'd be when the fog lifted and we could see her—and at which obscure holiday the colors where honoring. "Aha—it's International Corporate Philanthropy Day!"

The week started off sunny, as if spring were here already. On days like those, you and I would be up and out of 7A early in the morning, walking to Gimme! Coffee on Mott Street for a fuck-off cappuccino. Or two. Or three. On the way there, you'd take pictures—our shadows on the sidewalk, dimensions exaggerated in the early-morning sunlight. You'd also shoot abandoned bicycles, or maybe some window reflecting our faces with the city traffic passing behind us. We'd see interesting-looking shops we'd never noticed before, and talk about how we'd have to remember to go back and explore them when they were open.

But, like I said, today has not been one of those days. It was raining when I woke up, and it's raining still in the early evening. I mostly did stay indoors, in my pajamas. I watched a movie—Examined Life. It looks at philosophy from the points of view of eight modern-day thinkers, including Peter Singer, Avital Ronell, and Cornel West. This would have been an interesting movie to watch together, nestled on the sofa, with a chicken roasting in the oven. My favorite thinker of the bunch is West—because he relates philosophy to blues and jazz music, and because he talks about "the raw, funky, stanky stuff off life." Who would you have found the most thought-provoking, or entertaining?

Love, love, love,
~Adam

Hey You,

Its coming up to that time of year last year when everything took a turn for the worse..... it was a scary and horrible time for you and Adam and your family. I remember with sadness those few calls we had that were so so so sad. But in between it all you still managed to text and email with snippets of positivity and sometimes with outright trippy nonsense - ah morphine eh!

I'm thinking of you all the time and can't believe how quickly 2009 became 2010 and the world is not nearly as interesting, funny, stimulating or sunny in 2010 cause you aren't in it. But you are of it...... and you always reminded us of that, you so embraced life and loved it that I am inspired by your example forever guapa.

I thought I'd post the picture you sent us all from your skiing holiday in Idaho that so made us laugh..... love you guapa, in the words of Buzz Lightyear "to infinity and beyond!" xxxKir

Dreaming.

A friend recently shared this quote from Jacques Brel, the Belgian songwriter. I don't know if Mia knew this quote, but it's so very very her. (Coincidentally, Mia and I had not just one but *two* holidays together in Brussels.) "Le seul fait de rêver est déjà très important. Je vous souhaite des rêves à n'en plus finir et l'envie furieuse d'en réaliser quelques uns. Je vous souhaite d'aimer ce qu'il faut aimer et d'oublier ce qu'il faut oublier. Je vous souhaite des silences. Je vous souhaite des chants d'oiseaux au réveil et des rires d'enfants. Je vous souhaite de résister à l'enlisement, à l'indifférence, aux vertus négatives de notre époque. Je vous souhaite surtout d'être vous."

Here is a literal translation, from Google. Would anyone care to offer a more nuanced interpretation? "The mere dream is already very important. I wish you dreams that will not quit and the furious desire to make a few. I wish you to love what is love and forget what to forget. I wish you silences. I wish you the songs of birds wake up and the laughter of children. I hope you resist the stalemate, the indifference, the negative virtues of our time. I especially want to be you."

This photo is one Mia shot in December 2006, from Pier 17 in NYC. The terrace there—offering a stunning view of the Brooklyn Bridge—was one of her secret hideaways in the city. She particularly loved being there at sunup and sunset.

Birthday gift.

Nina has donated $10,000 to Rotary International in Mia’s name, in honor of her birthday. What a beautiful gift. Thank you, Nina.

The Queen of Cool

I was busy struggling to meet a deadline (remember them?!) in my office this afternoon, and then paused for a moment when the thought hit me that it's your birthday.

As Tiff said in an earlier post, it often seems that you're on the other side of the world, as you were so often when you were away on your travels.

Often think back to how cool you were at Uni.

I used to find it both funny and cool when you swore in French, so many other things as well that pop into my mind every now and again and make me smile.

Met you in 1999 and said goodbye to you in 2009...and now saying a virtual Happy Birthday to you in 2010.

That decade flew by far too quickly. But it was your decade and you were - and are - the Queen of Cool.

Would be great to see some photos from your days in Afghanistan if anyone has some.

Happy Birthday

Dearest Mia,
I'm thinking of you today with so much love. I know the angels in heaven are treating you to all you deserve on your birthday. Maybe a special birthday treat from Babycakes? Today I remember some of the times we shared in New York, in San Diego, and in Cambria. I can't forget your beautiful smile and hope you are smiling on this special day.
Adam and your mother decided that I should have your wallet. I carry it with me all of the time and it reminds me so much of you. The leather is soft, yet strong, beautiful, but practical, and just the perfect size.
Love,
Judy

toast from on top of the world

well... from the 19th floor with a 360 degree view of the glittering lights of Caracas... you can easily make it down in time from San Diego...

It's a beautiful day chica, its your birthday and the sun is shining!! XXXXX

Cumpleaños Feliz,

Cumpleaños Feliz,

Te Desee-aamos Tooodoooos

Cumpleaños Feliz!!

Feliz Cumple tía!!!!!!   

I'm sure you've got everything you need up in the great big blue... and what Heaven hasn't got, you'll invent.  

Robin and I will toast you tonight at Wine Steals, 7pm WST.   You probably have a lot of toasts to attend around the world, but if you wanna stop in for a minute, our hearts and smiles will be looking your way.  

And oh, 

Thanks for continuing the magic.   (and for the laptop, of course!)

amor amor amor!    Andy. 

Happy Birthday!

Ah, my love. It's your birthday! I hope you're showered with love and presents, and that all your wishes come true—over and over again.

Katja and I toasted you this morning at Clinton Street Bakery, over a plate of huevos rancheros. It wasn't quite as good as Schiller's, but Schiller's doesn't open early enough to have breakfast and still get Kat to work on time! My band toasted you last night at Banjo Jim's—at midnight, as the clock ticked into the official start of your birthday. I sang and played all your favorite songs. Though they asked us to keep the volume down a bit, I sang loud and proud. I know you heard, and danced, and laughed, and sang along.

Loving you today, tomorrow, and ever after,
~Adam

P.S. Thanks for sending the beautiful butterfly to Eric's house at Christmastime. We were all overjoyed—and *very* impressed.

In Australia its already your birthday!

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday dear Miiiiiaaaaaaaa

Happy Birthday to youououououo

Wish you were here guapa xxxxx hope there's plenty of cake in heaven!

Big love and thoughts going out to you Nina on this special day.

Thanks for bringing this beautiful and special woman into all out lives!

Walking to your trees, wedding morning, Jan 2nd

Sometimes it just feels like you are on the other side of world as you always have been. There are so many pictures I want to send you Mi, why don't they have email where you are?? ... I think maybe you are still seeing them, your 'eye' always on us, eh chica?! I know in some ways you are gone but you still feel close, make me giggle, make me proud and spur me on. Missing you chica, so much, every day. Besitos xxxx

Guapa

Soon its your birthday, the date has been creeping up on me and I spot it in my calendar every time I open it. As always my heart drops with the sense of loss and then bounces back up with just the memory of you, your face and your smile. Last year for your birthday you were in Washington, as you put it 'hanging out with congressmen and senator reps!' You'll always be beautiful and 33 to us loca. Missing you as always and loving you mucho xx