Soon its Christmas guapa - We're all heading back to Espana where of course your absence will be all the more noticeable - in all the old familiar places I'll think on you. We'll get to see Ele and meet her new bubba! Can you believe it..... so many shorties. You were always the greatest tita and Sonny, Michael (sp), Marley and baby Nash's lives will be poorer for not having met you. I remember our New York Christmas with lots of laughter loca. We love you angel. Merry Christmas xx

I miss our emails so so much guapa. There are so many things I'd love to talk to you about. Thinking of you amiga xxxxxx

Hell yeah

listening and thinking of you chica ....  X

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4hBQ3PMR7M

The sun has been shining today in Caracas and there is new life brewing.  Miss you dear angel chica and keeping you close.  Here is to never saying goodbyes.  xxx

P.S.

Minna recently sent me this photo of the two of you at Risottoria. You look really happy. (This must be after lunch, with your belly full of gluten-free pizza.) You're smiling not only with your face but with your entire being. Looking at you here makes me feel the same kind of smiley. xo

Hello, lovely.

My dearest Mia,

Today is the 3-year anniversary of our last goodbye. I still miss you so, so much. Not to say that my life is sad or empty. It’s quite rich and joyful. (Well, most of the time.) In the past few days I’ve seen more butterflies—and more different kinds of butterflies—around New York City than I can remember ever seeing before. Each one reminds me of you, and so brings a big smile.

It is a particularly gorgeous day in NYC—sunny and clear, with a slight breeze. I woke up early and took a long walk around South Street Seaport, as we did together many times. I sat on a bench and gazed up at the Brooklyn Bridge for awhile. I watched elder Chinese folks around me doing their Tai Chi routines, or casting fishing lines. (One guy caught a really big one!) I took some photos with my iPhone. I listed to the water gently lapping up against the little bit of shoreline there. I had a nice talk with Nina and another with Joe. (Tabi is already 4—can you believe it?). John and I played phone-tag. I hope he and I will speak later today. Robin is there in Marbella, visiting him. I’m very happy they’re spending time together and I’m sure you’d be too.

After my visit to the Seaport, I ran up to Abraço for a slice of frittata and two absolutely fuck-off coffees. They really know how to do it there. In our search for the great New York cup of coffee, I think Abraço remains the ultimate. They don’t do house-made almond milk anymore, so no almond-milk cappuccino for you—but you could indulge in a regular-milk cordtado if you were here. Fuck. I really wish you were here.

In some ways, you are still here. You make me smile nearly ever day with a sweet memory. I still live in the sunny Lower East Side apartment that you found for us back in ’07. I still cook soup in our red Le Creuset pot and still wear the cozy Fat Face sweater you bought me. I still have a belly. (Remember when you made me promise not to exercise so much that I’d lose my belly? Promise kept!) I do my best to live in the here and now but—I’m not gonna lie—it would be so much more fun if you were really and truly here.

Sending all the love I have to you, wherever you are in this universe or some other. I hope you’re laughing your ass off, eating just a little too much, and feeling the sunshine on your gorgeous face.

Yours always,
~Adam

Thinking on you today guapa. My thoughts are with your family and of course Adam too xxx

BOO! Ah, you thought I'd forgotten you but NO NEVER. I'm getting older, wobblier and wrinklier but I think on you nearly ever day guapa. Sending smooches to the stratosphere just for you. xx

Feliz Cumple Bon Bon

Sonny and I sang you Happy Birthday on the 4th and Dav, Eva and I said a big Happy Birthday to you together in the park. You're never far from our thoughts guapa. Missing you always. xxxx

lucky day

Even though the world is not quite so splendid without you in it, tomorrow will be a happy lucky happy day. Love you chica mia and missing you. Our day will be full of fun, some Mia day dreaming and a beer or few. Relishing the thought already. And the perfect occasion to dig out the Tijuana no 8 bus pic. Happy Birthday dear friend XXX

Birthday.

Dear Mia,

I could type "Wish you were here" over and over until my fingers were numb. It's a beautiful day in New York City—blues skies, with enough chill in the air to warrant the coziest of clothing (and lots of cuddling). Tomorrow is 4 February. Your birthday. I wish you were here so I could cook you an epic breakfast, then take you for a walk around the city—with lots of stops for coffees along the way—and then to see the new exhibit at ICP. And then. And then. Wish you were here.

Celebrating your life and your spirit, always,

~Adam

Anniversary.

Dearest Mia,

Yesterday would have been our 3rd anniversary. I'm not sure whether the 3rd is officially the cheeseburger anniversary but that's how Katja and I celebrated—with cool pints and juicy burgers. And fries, yes.

It's not always easy without you here. You were able to see past the clouds that sometimes come. You could make me laugh at the clouds with just a word or two, or make me laugh at myself for worrying about stupid clouds at all. I remember once—in Sun Valley, Idaho—when you rode a ski lift all the way up beyond the clouds. In the pic you sent me from up there, you looked so blissed out. When my days feel a little dark, I think of that image of you with the sun on your face, absolutely radiant.

I'm reading Patti Smith's Just Kids now—a gift from Katja and Minna. It feels like an epic poem in prose form. It's about love and art, about believing in oneself, about New York City, and about telling our own stories. I can imagine reading it to you in one single pass, curled up on the sofa, only taking a few short breaks to make more tea or to cuddle closer.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

~Adam